I’ve only been dancing for a little over a year now but I can’t even begin to cover all the changes and impacts that dancing has had on my life in just one blog post! Couldn’t do it if I tried. And I’m not going to try. Because what I’d like to talk about is what happens when you can’t dance. So as you know, I’ve had this injury. It’s not a life changing injury, in fact, if you didn’t know because I’m mouthy and told you – you wouldn’t know. I’m not required to wear a boot on the promise that I will only wear sturdy, supportive shoes and keep my walking about to a minimum. I’ve tried but truth be told, I totally can’t hang with that completely. For the most part, I’ve been good out of necessity – wearing high heels makes my foot swell up and makes me very, very sad. I love high heels and am woefully short in flat shoes. But I’ve dealt, I even went to the ballet in flats – they were J. Crew ballet flats though so it wasn’t so bad. We won’t even discuss the I heart NY sweatshirt – it was cold! and I didn’t pack for an English summer, I packed for an American summer and NY went all crazy on me so it wasn’t my fault! We shall not discuss it, thanks.

But I still have not been able to go to ballet class and as I will not be able to see the physiotherapist for another couple of weeks, I haven’t been okay-ed to do much of anything. I knew that I was going to have to begin to really really watch what I eat because when you are very short, calories have a way of collecting themselves EVERYWHERE, hunkering down, and staying for a while. Knowing this hasn’t helped all that much when not being able to dance and worrying about healing and whether or not this is going to be an issue from now and how much of an issue is it going to be means that Reese’s peanut butter cups and Cheez-Its are suddenly extremely tempting. I keep saying that I’ll do better and then the next “thing” happens and I decide that lobster mac & cheese will make me feel better and not be THAT bad. Seriously though, guys, I’m going to really have to do better because I have some beautiful new stuff to wear to class and I want to be able to fit it in.

But that’s not all that I’ve noticed. I’ve been amazed at how much of ballet class transfers over to the rest of life and one of the most incredible things is feeling taller, lighter, and longer. For someone 5ft tall, feeling long and tall is like some insane kind of dream! I’m a sloucher, I have a tendency to start to collapse in on myself and go into a fetal position pretty much all the time. I’m comfortable that way. But ballet has had a way of pulling me out of that collapsed position and made me comfortable with that too. More comfortable that I would have imagined I would be about feeling tall and long and limber. Does that sound strange? I mean, we all wish we were tall and long and limber but if I’m honest, since I’ve never even considered that as a possibility, I sort of thought that I would find it a strange, unnatural fit on me… like trying to wear a maxi dress or super low rise skinny jeans… yeah, not for me. But somehow ballet made it fit, ballet made me something more than I thought I could be and made me happy about it.  Ballet also gave me a lightness in my movement, a feeling that I could bound up into a jump or turn with any step of my choosing. There was a sense of walking “up,” of moving upwards no matter what direction I was actually walking in.

I feel like I’m losing that, a little bit more each day. I feel the weight of everything, my head, my shoulders, my legs, and feet. I’m collapsing again. It’s not just the fact that I’m having to wear nothing but flat shoes, which is driving me nuts, that’s making me feel short and squat, it’s the lack of balletic work. I know that when I’m healed I will get back to class and I will get the wonderful feeling of length back but for now, it’s a little disconcerting – the weight of not dancing.

For the dancer the question of why dance matters is almost ludicrous. It’s like asking why eat, why breath, why live! And our answers pour out like a damn breaking through a flood gate, we know why and we can tell you for days… and days… and days 😉

Not like it isn’t a discussion worth having though. And I had the pleasure of looking at ballet through new eyes this past weekend as I took my niece and nephew (ages 17 & 14) to see Paris Opera Ballet in New York.  I think POB dancing Giselle and then Pina Bausch is a pretty good introduction to ballet. We sat and had a treat outside Lincoln Center before the performance where I explained to them about what they were going to see and how a live performance worked. I gave them a brief history of POB and the U.S Tour. I also gave them a run down of the storylines etc.

I also explained to them that they didn’t have to like it. I only wanted them to experience it and decide for themselves. I know it’s impossible for us sometimes to realize that not every one likes ballet, but its true, not everyone does. Well, I don’t like hip hop or belly dancing, I don’t even like a lot of ballroom. That’s my preference. I don’t understand it, I don’t feel it, I don’t like it. And some people will feel that way about ballet. It’s okay. Ballet will still live and we can all still exist peacefully.

But I did want them to taste it, to see it, to give dance a chance. Why? Because dance is a doorway into the arts and the arts are a doorway into experiencing humanity fully. There are all kinds of art and we can partake in quite a few, we might even find some talent or skill, but barring complete tragic immobility, we all dance because we all respond to things with movement. Ever watch a baby eating something tasty? They dance in their high chair, I do that same dance for Krispy Kreme donuts. From the inception of life, we move, it is a part of not only who we are but what we are… creatures of movement. And when we begin to embrace creativity, we have to see that human beings have walked and danced across this earth for longer than our brains can comprehend; we begin to see that people, all people, are responsible for so much wonder and beauty in the world. Beautiful, amazing things that make us laugh or cry, that makes us think and feel, that make us remember that art is made by human beings just like us. And as much as there are problems, sadness, tragedy, even evil in this world, art makes the effort to live, to really LIVE, worthwhile.

My niece and nephew seemed to enjoy the performances… they seemed to enjoy our tradition of apres-ballet NY pizza even more though. They asked a few questions and made some interesting observations. Later my nephew asked about pointe shoes so I was able to show them a pair of pointes and explain how they were made and how to use them and the difference with flatties. And they both held the shoes and examined them. Ballet shoes were declared cool.

Why does dance matter? Because having an experience in dance opened a door to curiosity, to wonder, to thought, to learning, and to appreciation. Because we will, all of us, (Carboy, Peanut, Fluffy, and I) have the experience of POB in NY in July 2012 with us forever. Because dance isn’t something only superhuman people do and it doesn’t have to be about perfection or competition. Because dance is an invitation to be who and what we are, human beings who move and who through our movement create joy, sorrow, love, life, and even death. Because you don’t have to be trained to dance to be part of dance. Because dance is only part of the arts and can lead us through movement, music and story to want to know more, to seek out more, to understand more and to live life more fully. Dance matters because you simply cannot separate movement from being human.