Are some nightmares universal? You know, those bad dreams that you show up to school only to find that its test day and you are completely unaware or you show up to work naked?

I don’t actually have ballet nightmares but I did have a paranoia about forgetting my shoes! Its happened to other people in class quite often. I always carry socks in my dance bag and I’ve handed out more than a few pairs! But it’s never happened to me… until last night.

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on a Repetto dance bag. I LOVE my bag but honestly, it was stupid money to spend on a bag that really should be mostly utilitarian over style. Because I love it so much and because it was so heinously expensive, I’m kind of OCD about taking care of it. Smelly, sweaty things come out of it the minute I get home. After class my flatties are always damp little filthy sort-of-pink clumps of canvas. Here’s a ballerina to ballerina tip** Arm & Hammer make these little discs called Munchkins. They are actually for diaper pails but I put one in each shoe and it helps them dry out and keeps my shoes from smelling. I find them in packs of 5 and they last at least 3 months. Anyway, I pull my shoes out and let them air dry with a Munchkin in each one. They sit near but not in my dance bag.

Yesterday I sent Carboy off to a big car show for the weekend so I spent the day cleaning up the house and running a bunch of errands. I completely lost track of time and when I looked up it was 6pm, the time I should be leaving if I want to be in the Westside with a little time to spare to warmup for my 7pm class! So I threw on a leotard and tights, threw together some G2, grabbed my dance bag, and ran out of the house. I hate being late to ballet class.

I got there just in time and rummaged around my bag only to find, much to my horror, NO SHOES!!! I put on socks and got on with it. But I have to tell you that it sort of shook me for a bit. The bright white cotton kept catching my eye and they were running socks so they had a bunch of graphic thingys and that was very distracting. It just didn’t feel right. Socks are slippery but in a strange not ballet shoes kind of way. I just kept trying to recall a photo that I’d seen of Aurelie Dupont doing barre in socks. Of course, she was probably warming up and not in class. But whats a girl to do! I wasn’t going to miss class over a pair of shoes and my teacher didn’t even blink, I’m sure he knew right off what happened. So I just got my head into it as best I could and kept going. I had a second coronary when it came to center not sure how socks were going to work going across the floor and we had lots of time for center so I knew across the floor was going to happen. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad and I have a new found respect for those little flatties, that’s for sure! I was definitely more cautious that usual and being overly cautious can be a problem for me anyway. In the end, it was a great class despite the socks. One of my big fears and I survived. That’s pretty awesome too.

So, your turn… ballet nightmares? Lets hear them!

Break out the champagne, let’s toast a milestone! It’s been one year with my Awesome Ballet Teacher! I’ve been flailing around in ballet classes before that but now more than ever, I hardly count that time because mostly it was just traumatic experiences and discouragements.

This last year with Michael, the Awesome Ballet Teacher, has been the most wonderful first hand experience in dance and actually one of my most wonderful first hand experiences in practically anything. As I think of my first hand experiences in music, scholarship, sports, mostly those things have left me questioning myself, my abilities, learning how to berate myself into submission under the false pretense of being discipline, and feeling overall, less than up to par, thereby making me somewhat paranoid and defensive and always competitive.

This last year with my Michael has been, yes, about learning ballet technique. He is a real stickler for beautiful, clean technique which I love because I adore beautiful, clean technique myself. But also about the process of learning ballet and that means about the learning process itself. As an academic, I find this fascinating because academia, the birthplace and crux of learning, can be a cruel and frighteningly, ruthless place. As a student, I find this wholly luxurious. I’ve actually never been in a non-competitive, always encouraging, never intimidating environment before. I know that sounds incredible but when I think about it, the only other place that I’ve experienced this is in my own home and there are only two of us in the house… and I think I may push us into competitive zones every once in a while.

I fully credit Michael with creating an environment that fosters and nurtures joy in learning ballet. JOY!  I take a moment to pause over this because it is an amazing, amazing thing – joy. Before Michael, I can recall walking out of a ballet class practically in tears and I don’t cry… over much of anything. There were classes that left me feeling the weight of being completely unworthy and so far removed from something that I loved so much. It actually made watching ballet sometimes painful. I went to one class where the instructor was so horrid that I, who cannot go a day without some sort of connection to dance, couldn’t even bear to listen to classical music, much less anything else ballet related, for two months following. It was a quiet two months.

What I stand most amazed at is how much I now enjoy the process, how much I look forward to classes, the joy that ballet now gives me that spills over into every other part of my life! This year of ballet has made me an entirely healthier person. Physically, it’s been the single best thing I have done for myself, even as a long time runner, ballet has been 100% better for my body in strength, flexibility, posture and stamina. But that’s just the beginning… I’ve become healthier in so many other ways. In the last year, ballet has played a huge role of making me a healthier and happier human being. That’s intense. And it’s real.

If you’re a dancer and you don’t have an Awesome Ballet Teacher of your own, I highly  encourage you to search until you find one… and if you have one, I know you understand exactly what I am talking about and I know you dance with Joy… and if you are one, I love you, YOU RULE!

I’m looking forward to this second year of ballet training. I hope you stick around with me – I think its going to be epic!