July. It was late July that I was injured and sidelined from dancing. The injury coincided with some deadlines being changed on my dissertation, giving me less time to finish and to top it off, the hours that were necessary at work increased. I’m salaried and on a contract so it’s not an issue of income, it is an issue of being contracted to get a certain job done and having to do it no matter how many hours a day it takes. Some times that can really suck. My dissertation advisor is going to be leaving the country on sabbatical so I need to finish before he moves to the other side of the globe. That is pretty sucky too. And to top it all off, this injured foot thing, well, that just sucks 100% all the way around.
The situation as a whole being what it is has resulted in my becoming a couch potato again. I still stretch a little everyday but other than an occasional burst of energy that results in a short run or something, I haven’t been working out at all. The thing that really bites is that my foot is not improving. I stretch and flex it a bit everyday but don’t push much because there will be pain. I’ve actually taken to taping my toe almost constantly. And I will admit that I have moments when I think that this is my body telling me that I cannot and should not dance – my place in ballet is in a seat in the audience.
In four months I feel like I’ve become older, slower, heavier, and managed to get completely out of shape. I feel like I’ve forgotten everything that I spent the last year learning. Ballet feels more impossible than ever. If I ever wanted to embrace being a quitter, now would be the perfect opportunity. But I’m not a quitter. I just can’t be. I don’t know how. And so, I’m grateful today for being either eternally optimistic or completely delusional. I’m not ready to give up. Not yet. There is still time to dance.