I was reading through some twitter posts the other day, opening up links to articles about various people who dance – not professional dancers but dancers who have various kinds of illnesses, who are in wheelchairs, or are just really old. And when I say old, dear youngsters, I don’t mean 30 or 40, I mean 80 or 90, just to be clear. It was really inspiring and humbling. I sat there looking at photos thinking about how beautiful it is when human beings enjoy the freedom of dance. And then I realized that when I look at photos or videos of myself dancing, I judge myself on something entirely different – not how much I love dancing, how hard I work, or my passion for dance. I judge myself on how I look and not if my line is nice, my feet are pointed, and my arms are pretty, but my weight and my body shape. I came to realize that part of my lack of motivation right now is my own ridiculous self judgement. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve allowed my feelings about how I look dancing to override how I feel when I am dancing! I also admit that it is going to be an ongoing struggle to learn how to better deal with that because when it comes to ruthless self judgement, I am the Queen. It is hard not to be critical in a room full of mirrors but work on it I shall because loathing self judgement is not a good thing in any respect. And I want to get back into the studio and feel the joy of the music and the movement. Dancing should be about joy – and sweat and discipline and work but mostly joy – but definitely not about size.