Why Don’t I Ever Learn?

I have to admit that these are words that are uttered, sputtered, and sometimes hollered out at least once a day. Why, you may ask… because I just never learn!!!

Things that I refuse to learn:

If you sit on one leg, it will go to sleep. When your leg goes all numb, it’s very unfortunate, but when the feeling starts to come back in that tingly electrocution sort of way, it’s VERY unpleasant! Every time.

Milk = lactose. Milk on cereal counts even if you don’t really drink it and it just acts as a suspension device for Cheerios. If you are lactose sensitive this will result in a lousy morning. Every time.

When the little thingy gas gauge in the car sits just above the needs fuel marker and you don’t worry about it because really there’s plenty of gas in there, you will get the NEED FUEL NOW signal from the car in the worst neighborhood possible, the one with the meth lab/dealership, international prostitute exchange ring, and the hostile and screaming homeless guy. Every time.

You stay calm through the stupidest traffic on the planet only to finally lose it complete with mouthing words, throwing down hand gestures, and making insane person faces, only to realize the driver that you’re taking it all out on is -> a nun, a rabbi, your bf’s grandmother, or your sister-in-law. Every time.

Wearing 4-in stilettos, slamming back a double espresso with a Diet Coke chaser for breakfast, and blasting arctic air conditioning in the car all the way to ballet class will result in foot cramps, stomach cramps, and all over immobilizing muscle cramps in basically every muscle in the human body. Every time.

4 thoughts on “Why Don’t I Ever Learn?

  1. I think I’m a tiny bit lactose intolerant, but it just didn’t occur to me for the longest time, like most of my life! Only at some point in the last few years was I like, you mean not everyone’s stomach feels a little funny after drinking milk? 🙂

    • For some reason, I refuse to believe that I’m ingesting milk when it’s in cereal and I don’t actually drink it, hahaha! Also, I don’t think that ice cream should count either… but tell that to my tummy!

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