I’m like a chip.

I enjoy Sephora… you know, the mega make-up store where one can blissfully try a hint of pink here and a whole lotta red there, but I was on a mission. It’s that time of year when its so dry, my skin is like a parched desert and I have to practically live in a vat of moisturizer so that I don’t shed my whole skin like some kind of snake.

Cute Sephora Boy, with immaculately tweezed eyebrows & unfortunate makeup line at the jaw: May I help you?

Me: (Marveling at the boy’s eyebrows) Yes actually. I need a moisturizer (Now feeling insecure about my own less than immaculate eyebrows). But not just any moisturizer, I need, like MEGA moisturizer *arms out in second position* for my *pointing to face*

Cute Sephora Boy: Did you have any particular brand in mind?

Me: I’m open to all suggestions. My face is so dry it’s peeling off in layers. I’m like a potato chip. Actually very much like a potato chip because not only am I completely dry, I’m also somehow very oily.

Cute Sephora Boy: How quickly do you begin to shine, you know, after you powder? *mimicking powdering his nose*

Me: We would need a stop watch.

Cute Sephora Boy: mmm-hmmmm *looking concerned*

Me: Also, I have acne and my skin will get congested if the moisturizer is too heavy and it can’t have sunscreen in it because my eyes are super sensitive to sunscreen but it can have, you know, *leaning in, conspiratorially* some kind of filler, like a primer *creating an imaginary raccoon mask around my eyes with my pointing fingers*

Cute Sephora Boy: *nods*

Me: *with insanely enthusiastic glee* Oh my god, I’m totally like a potato chip – with ridges!!! I’m a Ruffles potato chip!!!

Cute Sephora Boy laughs so hard, he has to steady his beautifully manicured self on a shelf of Dior lip color.

In case you are wondering, I’m now using Mario Badescu’s Caviar Night Cream and my face has not completely peeled off yet.

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