So Much Gratitude, Time to Move Forward

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted with any regularity. As with everyone, life happens and it happened the heck all over me for the past couple of years. And where I ended up now is feeling a whole lot older, slower, heavier, and on many days, sad. It is a combination of things of course and not actually an overall commentary about the reality of my life which in the grand scheme of things is not all that bad. I have a lot to be grateful for, more than most, I am certain. Most of what makes me feel old, slow, and heavy are my own bad decisions whippped up by emotional nonsense and events of the day that some how go bad or wrong or just set my nose out of joint. The wise choice would be to go for a walk, take a dance class, get out in to the sunshine, or for crying out loud, eat a piece of fruit!

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But what I end up doing is eating a box full of donuts and streaming Netflix, curling up on the couch with a Diet Coke, Cheetos, and reruns of 24, or having a fit and refusing to comb my hair or wear pants. All bad choices by anyones account. I’ve developed hives brought on my nerves, ultra sensitive skin exacerbated by stress, and put on so many extra pounds that my extra pounds now have their own extra pounds.

I’ve been talked to by my doctor, I’ve been talked to by my best friend, I’ve been talked to by practically complete strangers but until a person is ready to deal with their own bad choices, it is just a lot of talking. I mentioned in my last post a precious friend who is dealing with a very long journey with cancer. She hasn’t talked to me about my bad choices but she’s been a lovely and dear friend. Watching her suffer for her health, knowing how she must fight for her body to simply continue functioning and sometimes she loses despite her best efforts makes me ashamed for the stupid choices that I’ve made. Yes, I’ve had some health issues too. I’ve gone through some really scary and potentially bad situations with my health in the past couple of years but I’ve come out of it, I’ve come out in pretty good shape. I can’t excuse continuing to make very bad choices  that affect my health just because I’ve been unhappy at work or some one treated me unkindly. I have a responsibility to do better, not just for me, because we are all interconnected and my bad decisions will touch other people. That’s a responsibility that I have to accept and consider the next time I just want to bury myself in selfpity and a tub of 31 Flavors.

Things will change. All will be well again. Let’s dance?

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