I actually started writing this blog post in November! And I’m going to leave that part just as it is and add to it. It was interesting to me to find it here waiting to be finished, maybe waiting for me to continue to get my head around new beginnings.
From November 13, 2017:
I started a new job today… for those of you who know me, you probably know that I am a civil servant and I work for a large law enforcement agency. I am not an officer, I am trained and educated for very specialized work in public service… but enough said about that because that isn’t really the point or maybe it is, I’ll let you decide. I was in a place where I wasn’t able to really do good work. I was literally told to stand down and not complete certain things that perhaps didn’t need to be done according to policy or legislation but needed to be done morally and ethically… and quite frankly I could make the argument that employment law did back up what I was asking to do but, okay. It was very stressful for me to NOT be able to do to all the work that I felt needed to be done. It was problematic for me that my values as a leader, a manager, a supervisor, and an employee were not in alignment with my work. But I hung in there trying to fight the good fight. I lost and I didn’t because this I won a hard fought battle for a promotion (YAY me!) so I have moved on. I win, I guess.
Back to present time, January 1, 2019:
Ha! I win, I guess. It’s been a little bit since I started my new job and it still feels very, very new and strange and the disconnect between what I am doing and what I should be doing is still there but I have a new found hope for the future in that I did win the day when I moved forward in my organization and that gives me a nice jolt of energy. The thing that I find curious about that energy is that is seeps into other parts of life, like a renewed desire to get back into the studio, into dance class, into tights and flatties. So cheers to dancing in 2019. I hope that we all get to see more dance and be more dance. We all need to be part of something beautiful and magical, those moments in the darkened theatre where roses and fairies and nutcrackers come to life and tell us the stories of our childhood dreams.
All will be well.
~The 109th Bead